September 26

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been two years since the day Kyle asked me to marry him! What an indescribably joyful day, and how many joyful days have followed! I never cease to be thankful for this most wise decision.

Naturally enough, Kyle and I have been thinking and talking about making wise decisions about marriage. Since many of our good friends are currently single, it might be worth while to put up a few factors that we see as important in making this big decision. (We love you guys and are praying for you!)

1. Unity of Vision. While you don't have to agree on everything (Yes Kyle, I must admit that your choice of color for the kitchen floor was indeed better than mine!) you do need to be of one mind on the big ones = basic doctrine, child training and education, lifestyle choices, etc. There are things that can be flexible and there are convictions that should not be changed, and you need to know the difference and be together on the big stuff! As Solomon the Wise said, "How can two walk together unless they agree?"

2. Don't expect change. Don't go into marriage hoping that he or she will change. Let me say it again. Don't get married if the other person still needs to make some changes to make your marriage work. You'd better be happy with them exactly the way they are before you think about getting married. (See point #1)

3. Someone once said that the person you marry should bring you closer to Christ. Do they, by their life, challenge and inspire you to love Jesus and surrender more areas of life to His control? (This is good.) Do they belittle, make fun of, want you to give up or compromise on convictions and things the Lord has taught you? (This is bad.) Your spouse should be someone who encourages you to more steadfast love, more conformity to the Word, deeper levels of obedience.

4. Wise counsel. It seems like single people who are trying to live a godly life are often told things like "You're an adult now, you need to make up your own mind." What this seems to mean in application is that you need to be living in rebellion or ignore all advice and make foolish decisions in order to prove that you're a mature, thinking adult! But Proverbs tells us over and again that only a wise person will actually listen to good advice! Parents, mature siblings and godly mentors know us well, love us, are not easily beguiled, and usually are the reasoned, impartial observers that we would like to think we are.

I know these seem pretty basic, but it can be hard to follow common sense if your eyes are full of star dust. Just remember that with a wise decision, the star dust need not melt away! ;-)

Happy Engagement Day, Beloved!